Reporters face off against five of the world's hottest peppers, and live (barely)

The Scoville Heat Scale is the system by which we measure the amount of heat in any given pepper. It is named for its inventor, Wilbur Scoville.

This sort of information is only useful if one is about to embark on something really stupid, such as trying to eat, in three minutes, at least four-and-a-half of the Cinco Chiles Burritos on the appetizer menu at the SolToro Tequila Grill at Mohegan Sun.

The "cinco chiles" in the title refers to the five different and distinctly flavored peppers used in making the burritos - chipotle, poblano, jalapeno, serrano and habanero (in order of increasing heat) - making the combined Scoville score for each burrito approach 1,000,000.

At this point, it's interesting to note that the remains of Wilbur Scoville were found reduced to a bubbling puddle on his kitchen floor after he ate some of his own chili.

Just kidding.

Still …

At SolToro, executive chef Edwin Mateo, the exceptionally gracious wizard behind the Cinco Chiles Burritos, dices, sautés and mixes the peppers with grilled skirt steak, which also has been marinated in the peppers. Then he uses even more of the pepper combo to make a surface-of-the-Sun-style sauce that coats the burritos upon presentation.

And, yes, some poor fool actually did eat four-and-a-half of these hell-foods in three minutes as part of a contest held on selected Fridays at SolToro. After a holiday break, the competition will be reintroduced. In the meantime, my colleague Elissa Bass and I recently went to SolToro and undertook the Cinco Chiles challenge.

Hmm.

The more Elissa and I thought about this, the smarter it seemed to invite a third contestant: our pal Dr. Jon Gaudio, a cardiac surgeon who writes a monthly heart-health column for The Day. Not only would Dr. Jon participate in the actual eating part of the challenge, he would also keep track of our vital signs before, during and after the contest. That way, he could officially sign any death certificates.

Or at least buy a round of soothing beers after it was all over.

Chef Mateo greeted us, along with one of the restaurant's cordial servers, Paul Vine, and walked us into the kitchen for a demonstration - not just a primer on the brightly colored peppers themselves, but also the preparation, cooking and assembly process that results in the Cinco Chiles Burrito.

Day videographer Peter Huoppi, on assignment for the challenge, was so overwhelmed by the sheer power of the steam coming off the frying peppers - in the fashion of some sort of battle-gas used in the first World War, albeit in far more savory form - that he had to move away from the grill in mid-shoot.

It came to pass that Dr. Jon, Elissa and I sat, side-by-side-by-side in one of the lovely restaurant's spacious booths, and Went For It. We were each given a platter with seven of the deceptively small burritos. Research cautioned that we drink milk - as opposed to water or beer, either of which would only make the heat worse - and Paul served us each a tall glass. There were also tissues for tears, and a bin of dry flour tortillas, renowned for their ability to partially deflect the pain.

It. Was. Un. Be. Lievable.

Searing. Scorch-o. All-encompassing blister-fest - a sense that you are your own Bessemer converter and you are roasting from within.

The heat is also evilly cumulative, so that it just gets hotter and hotter. Over the course of three minutes, it seemed:

First: Our tongues would literally melt, leaving just big, toothy holes in our faces.

Second: Our core body temperatures would elevate and pressurize so drastically that our feet would literally explode through our shoes.

Finally: We would simply vaporize and begin new existences as part of Satan's stomach lining.

And then, three minutes were up. Amazingly, Dr. Jon actually equaled the record by consuming four-and-a-half of the demon treats. (And then performed his own heart transplant!)

Elissa and I each finished three-and-a-half. Not bad at all.

And just so's you know: As with all the food at SolToro, the Cinco Chiles Burritos are very tasty. You'd like them - if they don't kill you.

Even more for the record: Dr. Jon's data revealed an elevated blood pressure for all three of us during the actual process of eating - and, maybe surprisingly, a collective lower blood pressure once a few minutes had passed and the heat started to dissipate (a process that ultimately took all afternoon).

I wonder: How many can you eat?