It was one blood red and tattoo-deep “welcome to hell” nightmare.

But unlike some dreams that simply wisp into obscurity when you wake up, this one — in all its brutal construction — stays with me. At least the musical part of it.

Perhaps C.G. Jung could explain why it happened, and perhaps Sigmund Freud could help me forget it.

But it’s Kenny Loggins and Paul Simon who owe me an apology.

What happened is, I bolted upright to consciousness the other night from a deep sleep. And for some reason, two songs were going through my head simultaneously. Or, more accurately, sections of each were threaded together like an ongoing and looping medley. Whatever the nightmare was about, I’ve forgotten. But the odd song mutation remains and I can’t get it out of my thoughts.

One was Simon’s “50 Ways to Leave Your Lover” and the other was Loggins’ “Footloose” — and you can see where this is going.

Yes, both are stinky songs, anyway, but one of the premiere Odor Factors is the “name rhyming” device each composer uses.

In Simon’s, a woman dryly advises to a platonic male friend that it’s easy to get out of a relationship: he can “slip out the back, Jack” or “make a new plan, Stan” or “hop on a bus, Gus” and so on.

Loggins’ work is more plaintive. The guy in the song, stressed out from working at a job, can only find release if he goes dancing. He also implies that dancing will solve everyone else’s problems, too — and as such implores acquaintances to do just that in various entreaties: “Milo, c’mon, c’mon let’s go” and “Oowhee, Marie, shake it, shake it for me” and “Jack, get back / c’mon before we crack.”

What truly haunts me, though, is the “Jack” overlap.

He’s in both songs, is what happens. Poor Jack! I mean, I’ve got two lousy songs running together incessantly in the jukebox of the mind. But Jack has such a miserable life that two multi-platinum songwriters felt compelled to chronicle his misadventures. And, no, I don't think it's just because Simon and Loggins were lazy and thought "Jack" was an easy word to rhyme. It goes deeper.

In one tune, it’s recommended that Jack slip out the back. In the other, he is told to start dancing before he cracks. Neither of these are simple rhyming dictionary solutions. Jack is about to crack! Not only that, but he desperately better slip his ass out the back or ... or, well, something's gonna happen -- and I don't just think it's that he's escaping a girlfriend.

Jack is one messed up dude.

I feel bad about myself and these horrible tunes. But I’m really sorry for Jack.