They Call Me Wheels

Geoff Matesky is not afraid to be honest. Whether it's the details of the car wreck that left him paralyzed from the chest down (it was 1984; he was 19, not wearing a seat belt, and his friend was driving drunk), his adventures in step-parenting the two young sons of the woman he married years later, or the couple's desire to conceive, Matesky is willing to share all in his memoir They Call Me Wheels. For the Ivoryton resident and IT engineer, it's all part of the journey toward self-forgiveness and -discovery.

"As amazing as this sounds, being disabled probably focused me in positive ways that never would have occurred had I not been disabled-and I feel the same about the whole step-parenting, as well...It's taken me in a place I never could have imagined and it's better than I could have conceived," says Matesky of the life he now leads with wife Laura, step-sons Kyle and Kelvin, and son Kaid (in the memoir they go by the aliases Elizabeth, Josh, Ben, and Noah).

Living recently spoke to Matesky about his memoir, how his experience with disability helped him ease into the role of step-parent, and the lessons he hopes to share with others.

What inspired you to share your story?

Because becoming a step-parent was like being shot out of a cannon in some ways, I started just relating the bizarreness of it...of suddenly being in these parental activities and circles and just feeling very strange at first, almost like a visitor from another planet. That, coupled with the disability component, was kind of [a] two-fold [experience of feeling like an outsider]. Here I am, always deflecting my image, used to the stares and strange reactions when I appear in a wheelchair-[that feeling] kind of doubles when you're a step-parent [in a group of natural parents].

You begin the book not with the car accident that left you paralyzed, but with an anecdote about bringing your step-son to a soccer game and feeling out of place there. What made you decide to shift the emphasis in this way?

I was hoping to give the reader that same sense of just dropping out of the sky and landing in a strange and foreign place almost instantaneously...I wanted to make the reader realize more and more [about me and my situation] as they read, rather than laying all the cards on the table up front.

One of the most powerful moments in the book is when your step-son "Ben" (Kelvin) tells you it was your fault you were paralyzed because you got into a car driven by a friend who had been drinking and you weren't wearing a seat belt. Did you/do you still feel that way?

Well...he's basically right...That's the way a child sees it and that's pretty much the closest you can come to a no-nonsense, un-sugar-coated version of it.

That's the apex of the book, really. The conclusion I draw from that is that [my step-sons and son] are not going to put me on a pedestal in that regard, but, in the end, if it teaches them the correct thing, that's really what it's all about...No parent could really hope for anything better than that-that they could drive home a point so critical to their kids.

What role has self-forgiveness played in your journey thus far?

Quite a bit..because I think the whole parenting experience [has made me realize] the need for it and the importance of being able to do that...As of late it's really taught me to come to a better acceptance of the situation...You have to go back and say, 'What happened, happened,' but you can't assign blame, either to yourself or the other people involved...On any given night, the circumstances could have been reversed.

Do you think the tools and skills you developed while living as a disabled person in a non-disabled world helped you to live as a step-parent in a world of what you call Alpha Parents?

Yes. It has helped me. At first I was actually kind of taken aback by how weird this [step-parenting and parenting] still feels…I work at a big company and I was just in the cafeteria, where-still-hundreds of people were staring at me and it happens every day…but for some reason…I really felt like more of an odd man out as a step-parent than I did as a guy going around in a wheelchair.

The self-confidence that it takes you to get through as a disabled person really did help me in this situation…It did help me to navigate in these hoity-toity alpha parent groups.

What is the most important thing people can take away from this book?

That if you're feeling like the odd man out or the odd person out in any situation, have the strength to be who you are and the courage and the persistence to keep at it and follow through…Chances are you went in that direction for a very good reason…and you owe it to the people who are around you and depending on you to be who you are and give it the best try you can...It will all work out.

At one point in your book, you say you don't consider yourself a role model. Is that still true?

It's a tough question to answer because I feel almost like that Groucho Marx saying, "I wouldn't want to be in a club with someone like me"…The way I've accomplished things can be unorthodox; it's a don't-try-this-at-home kind of thing…but if what I'm doing and certain elements of the journey can help people out, then I'm definitely on board with that.

They Call Me Wheels by Geoffrey E. Matesky is available by visiting Matesky's website, www.theycallmewheels.com; be sure to check out his blogs, too, and stay tuned for information on upcoming book signings in the area. The book is also available on the Amazon, iUniverse, and Barnes & Noble websites.