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Mr. I has solution to offer

By Mike DiMauro

Publication: The Day

Published April 28. 2013 4:00AM

Idle Thoughts, while waiting for John Sterling's first "the Grandy Man can" of the season, Kara Lawson's first 3-pointer and wondering what's become of Byung-Hyun Kim:

• Mr. Idle, Mr. I to his close friends, has been amused all week at the reader responses to a recent column about the importance of security guards at sporting events and showing them a little more respect.

"My liberty is at risk! My Second Amendment rights! My Fourth Amendment rights! Freedom! Liberty!" they hollered, because, really, that's the only way they communicate now.

So Mr. I has a solution.

Arm all the fans.

No, really.

In lieu of pat downs and bag checks.

Everybody gets a loaded AK-47 on the way into the game.

That way, the Second Amendment (and we all know it's the most important Amendment of them all) remains eternal, exalted and transcendent.

Everyone watches the game, weapons ready, just in case. And then just let some snarling terrorist pull anything with a stadium full of AK-47s pointing at him, by golly.

Then when the game's over, everyone returns the AK-47s to a big bin.

Genius, is it not?

• Let the record show that it was a newspaper the Boston Globe that kicked everyone else in the ascot during the Boston bombings, all the way to the second they caught Terrorist No. 2.

The Globe's use of modern technology (Twitter, breaking news on its Web site) and old fashioned reporting that old thing shouldn't merely merit a Pulitzer or two, but reinforces how the newspaper is still the best and most reliable news source.

Love to see what you people would do without The Day, by the way.

Mock us all you like (as you sit at your computers and comment on every story, barely leaving time to use the lavatory).

Admit it. You'd miss us terribly.

• One of Mr. I's spies pointed out a disturbing tweet to him the other day.

A girls' basketball player from the ECC posted during the NCAA tournament: "Who let Heather Buck on the court? This is the Final Four."

Let Mr. I just say this, Missy: Heather Buck is the best girls' basketball player in the history of the ECC.

She would have swatted any number of your shots at cheery intervals into the fifth row.

She's about to graduate with a 4.0 and a nursing degree.

You might act a bit more respectful next time.

• (And don't bother writing in to suggest that Tracy Lis was better than Buck. Sorry. Mr. I would win that argument with a first round TKO.)

• Mr. I is betting that all those baseball experts who had the Yankees and Red Sox bringing up the rear in the A.L. East will be in full witness protection mode by the All-Star break.

• Speaking of ...

How come you people never told Mr. I that Youk, you know, is pretty good?

• So how many of Randy Edsall's players have to get drafted before assorted dullards around here admit the guy is a really good coach?

• Note to New Sun coach Anne Donovan:

Give Tina the ball.

• Glad you stayed, Shabazz Napier.

• Finally, Mr. I would like to wish Joe Panza of Old Lyme a happy retirement.

Joe is a professor at Southern Connecticut and a frequent contributor to Mr. I's fictitious marriages.

His best: If Jessica Alba married Joe Torre and then divorced him for baseball player Yorvit Torrealba, that would make her Jessica Alba Torre Torrealba.

Godspeed, Joe.

This is the opinion of Day sports columnist Mike DiMauro.

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