Can We As Humans Actually Honor the Man Who Wrote "Sussudio"?

 March 10, 2010

Phil Collins just received word he’ll be getting a songwriting trophy. Yes, he will accept the Johnny Mercer Award at the 2010 Songwriters Hall of Fame gala which takes place in June.
What I’m asking is: are we sure we want to reward people in this fashion? This is the man, after all, responsible for "Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now)," "Sussudio," "One More Night," "I Don’t Care Anymore," "Don’t Lose My Number," "Another Day in Paradise" …
Why wasn’t his tongue torn from his head with fiery tongs within five minutes of the release of his first solo hit? And who among you heard "One More Night" and said, "Thank you, sir! May I have another?"  Millions, apparently. A curse on you all!
 
If you went to a piano and picked out the elementary-school-recess notes that comprise the chorus melody to "One More Night," the lid on the piano would independently smash down on your fingers as though to say, "Not on my keys you don’t!"
 
I remember the inaugural time "Sussudio" assaulted my senses. I was in a restaurant at an important lunch meeting and, by the second verse, my legs propelled my body through the front plate glass window and carried me down the street, like Michael Johnson, and into a hardware store. My hands took over at that point, desperately grasping a belt sander and erasing my ears from my head.
 
Now, in all honestly, has Phil done some fine work in Genesis? Why, yes, he has. It’s not The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway or Selling England by the Pound quality, yet he’s contributed some very nice stuff to the legacy. And he’s a monstrously good drummer.
 
But these solo songs … just horrible, horrible things.
 
Somewhere, Peter Gabriel is reading the same press release about the award that I just read, and you know he’s thinking, "What the hell … ?" and then his legs will propel him down the street into a hardware store and his hands will take over and …

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